Life is short, too short to waste. Too short to be worried about what people think of you or to be too self critical. Just a little something G-d seems to really be drilling into me the last few months...in various different ways.
I wrote a song a couple years ago**, at a time when I was really struggling with this. People's negative words and actions or simply the fear of them drove me into a sense of feeling like I was under a microscope 24/7, with people just hovering over me ready to pick me apart, find some flaw, or take something the wrong way. All the "if I do this they'll think this"-"if I screw this up then they'll think I'm an idiot"-"I have to do this or this otherwise people will get the wrong idea of what I believe" (the list could go on), all used as a desperate attempt to hold on to comfort...however they became just the opposite.
Now I am sure most of us have experienced people who genuinely are "waiting for you to mess up" so they can make themselves feel better by your failure. However more often it's our own microscope we need to break free from. I think I wrote a blog that touched on this* awhile back....and "8085ing" the whispering lies that continually test and try our faith in HaShem's words of life.
Negative words and comments are never easy to deal with but how much more difficult is it when they are also affirmed through your own self negativity? Can anything good or bad survive without the proper fodder to feed it? With all this in mind as well, how important is it to watch our words and actions toward others as well. Are we speaking words of life and encouragement to others to build them up and help them conquer their own fears? Or are we, heaven forbid, feeding the lies? As someone who has recently been the recipient of some sincere encouragement I can't tell you the difference it makes in helping you overcome and do battle against self doubt and ridicule....the whole "where two walk together" and "strand of three chords" thing is certainly true!
The past year G-d has brought me to an incredible state of vulnerability but at the same time encouraged my soul in so many ways, to depths I haven't(personally) ever experience before. Through the sleepless nights when in pain, fear and tears I repeated the mantra "The L-rd wounds, and the L-rd heals, He is good and does good! Blessed be his holy Name". Basically "this sucks right now but I know You are good and You must have a plan for all this somehow...who am I to argue?". There is something tremendously scary(like really scary!) but at the same time perfectly safe about that kind shalom from G-d...you don't always feel safe but you know you are....does that make sense?
I don't know, I guess my point with all these disjointed ramblings is that if our confidence is in the Maker of All things, all those things that I mentioned(and more) in the second paragraph should not be the driving force behind our thoughts, words, or actions. I could be mistaken but I believe the reason why Yosef was able to be so successful was because he managed to maintain an unwavering faith and confidence in HaShem in spite of many 'less than desirable' circumstances. I am sure he felt fear! And you know, I have no doubt he wept as much as the sages say he did ;) but he endured, his faith won the battle and stayed with him as he ascended and descended throughout his life. We should follow this example! Don't renege because of discouraging circumstances, because you are afraid of people thinking you are totally nuts or don't have the goods to do something. If HaShem gave you a dream no matter how crazy. Do it! Dream it! Live it! He'll take care of the details. Heck, look at Moshe, Gideon, David, Sha'ul...and perhaps the best example of all: Yeshua HaMashiach! Some people though HE had a demon! WHAT?!
Okay so this is totally a pep talk to myself too so I am going to personalize it a bit more...I play piano, I write music...but put a sheet of written music in front of me and I sound like a kindergarten kid picking away at a piano...."so it goes F-A-C-E..okay so that's a high g..."....yeah so I can't read music -- but I write it? Okay yeeeeah that IS totally stupid!. BUT I love playing music, it's something that G-d laid on my heart in a very real way years and years ago, long before I even knew what a C chord was...sounding ridiculous and pathetic to you yet? Yep, me too, but hey....right now I don't care anymore. It's the way is! And if history is any example, I just maybe in good company.
So be yourself; be who G-d made you to be. Don't let what others will think or say govern your life today or any other day....unless in a positive way ;). Embrace what makes you different; cause G-d's gonna use it. And never forget, so long as we are special to Him what the world thinks doesn't matter one bit!! Life isn't getting longer, the longer you wait the shorter it gets...
Shabbat Shalom!
*....yep I did http://dancingtotherhythm.blogspot.ca/2012/10/a-million-tears.html
** Maybe I will post sometime
okay did anyone noticed how many "rhyme alerts" I didn't point out in this blog!
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