And they call me the Seeker...

Well I was kinda having one of those nights where sleep was a little fitful. I did some painting the previous day(yeah renovated the bathroom how many years ago and only now getting the second coat of paint on the door?!) and like all things ended up doing more then I had originally intended. I thought I had escaped without any physical consequences but unfortunately, that, on top of making 9 loaves of challah yesterday kinda tipped the scales. Oh well, no pain no gain right?

I just keep trying to say Baruch HaShem! And make a conscience effort to, as Paul says, "be content in ever circumstance" and focus on the positive. It's actually quite amazing when you start to make the effort to count blessings because you start naming things that you previously could have complained about. For example being unemployed right now means I don't have to go to work on zero sleep! I get to spend time with my dad during the day, I have been able to study scripture more and write more music. Those are merely trite examples however when compared to the blessings of a roof over my head, family I can love/honour/respect, food on my plate, being delivered "out of the house of bondage" and having life in the name of Yeshua HaMashiach.*

So likewise tonight I can actually be very thankful that I was too sore to sleep, because it allowed me the opportunity to get into the scripture. Specifically the gospel portion for this week Mattiyahu 6:1-8:1.

Okay hold on for a minute while we take a detour...I have always struggled with a slight inferiority complex in regards to my position in life when compared to others, especially those younger than me who seem to "have it all together" as far as their career and plan for life. To be totally frank: I don't exactly fit into world's definition for "success"...or even "on the road to", in actuality, probably quite the opposite; no college/university education, no job at the moment, 24 and still living at home, no particular "important" or impressive skills. I have had and still have a tendency to guilt myself for who, what and where I am when compared to others around me.

So back to Mattiyahu....verses 6:24-32 were very encouraging as there always are when facing "uncertainties" in life, but when I got to verse 33 it cut through, so to speak.

"But seek ye first the kingdom of G-d and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you..."

In one tiny little verse it summed up the reason I am not the world's poster girl for "success". When you follow HaShem and walk a Torah centred walk sometimes it requires looking a little foolish to the world, looking "unsuccessful", or "second class" but nevertheless our first priority, and thereby what filters all the others, has to be the pursuit of G-d's Kingdom and His righteousness! Notice it says "His righteousness", not mine, not yours, not some religious system's...."His"- which is the Torah

I am always immensely grateful when HaShem debunks my self doubts and the societal pressures...Now I would be totally wrong to use it as an excuse to, shall we say, "rest on my laurels"...but for one who is always afraid of becoming "too comfortable" it just acts as a simple affirmation that at least for now I am where I need to be.

Well I was going to post some thoughts I had on the 10 words and Yeshua's prayer in Mattiyahu 6 but it's already after 7am now so maybe later.

One day at a time ya'll, one day at a time!
Shalom


* this is not an exhaustive list